Jess Megan, who was in Channel 4‘s Bring Back The Bush, has spoken about the grief she experienced after the death of her boyfriend Olli, who she “adored”
Channel 4 logo(Image: Channel 4)
The star of a groundbreaking Channel 4 programme has revealed her boyfriend died.
Jess Megan expressed her grief in a video she has posted on social media. The model and activist, who was in Channel 4‘s Bring Back The Bush in 2020, said: “What I want people to know, is that there is a way out. Whatever your situation is. However you’ve been hurt (Grief isn’t exclusive to death).
“But that way out is not linear. It’s a gruelling obstacle course while everyone else seems to be on a low-level hike. Not everyone who loves you will understand it, some might even leave you.”
Jess’ partner, Olli, went to bed and never woke four years ago. Jess addressed the tragedy on social media for the first time on Thursday, posting 12 clips from the year of the passing. Throughout the clips, Jess documented her emotions.
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In the January clip, Jess’s boyfriend was still alive, and she was taking part in the viral “See You Again” trend inspired by Miley Cyrus. In February, he was still alive, but by March, he had passed away.
The March clip showed Jess with a bloodied nose, admitting that she had been sleeping on his grave every night. In April and May, she was seen crying, and by June, she revealed that she hadn’t left the house for months.
In July, Jess said she wasn’t speaking to anyone and confessed she couldn’t stop drinking. By August, she described herself as “out of her mind,” and in September, she was smoking 40 cigarettes a day.
In October, Jess was hospitalised after suffering a heart attack, and in November, she was reportedly unrecognisable, saying cortisol had “blown everything up.” In the December clip, Jess admitted she “couldn’t do another year of this.”
In the caption of the post, Jess penned: “Grief is manic and ungracious. I’d never felt so insane. For the first time ever my mind felt like a locked box, with me on the outside. I didn’t know what was going on in my head and I couldn’t control it.
“I couldn’t do half-measured responses. I was walking to the shop bare-footed in a bathrobe and telling anyone who would listen that my boyfriend was dead. Then I would drink a box of wine and smoke thirty cigarettes until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”
She went on to say that grief made her “feral” and she “didn’t sleep”, because sleep was the only place she “got to see him, experience sweet relief, only to wake up and find out he was gone all over again”.
