Meagan Skidmore says parents of LGBTQ+ children just need to remember to lead with love
A mom with a conservative religious background chooses to support her trans child
DAVID TAFFET | Senior Staff Writer
Taffet@DallasVoice.com
“Lead with love.” That’s the advice Meagan Skidwell has for parents who find out they have an LGBTQ+ child.
“There are a lot of conflicting voices out there,” she said. “Ask yourself, what would love do?”
Skidmore said when she first learned of her son AJ’s gender identity, it was not by choice on his part. He was finishing seventh grade when she saw a text he had sent. A little over two years later, he came out to his parents as transgender.
For a teenager, it was a slow process. At first AJ went without makeup and tried boys’ clothing. “If he had more to share, I’d let him share,” Meagan said.
But she was conflicted, because she was raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and was still a member. Because of her church’s teachings, which were not very friendly toward transgender members, she said, “There was a lot of fear.”
And she wrestled with the tension between her religious beliefs and her love for her child.
“After a year, I finally admitted to myself in an out loud way,” she said. “I realized I have a lot more questions than I had answers.”
She understood there were things she wasn’t sure about.
But, she said, “One thing I knew for sure, you were created on purpose. There’s nothing wrong with you. You are whole and lovable. God created you on purpose.”
She told her son, “We’ll figure this out together,” then apologized for anything she said in the past and because of her upbringing that might have hurt him.
“I began to feel I had a story in me that needed to be written,” she said, as she was torn between what she had been taught and what her inner voice was telling her. Finally, she realized, “I couldn’t abide the teachings, the policies.”
The LDS church came out with new policies in the summer of 2024 regarding transgender members. Among other things, the new policy restricts transgender people from accessing certain church ordinances and rites. Transgender people who have socially transitioned or undergone gender-affirming surgery are no longer eligible to join the church.
In September, the church submitted an amicus brief in a case pending before the Supreme Court against granting protected class status to transgender people, claiming it would threaten religious freedom.
These new policies, Meagan said, “perpetuated fear of transgender and non-binary people.”
There’s nothing more excruciating to a parent than being pulled in opposing directions, she explained, and she had to choose. And “Policies like this made my next steps very clear,” she said.
Skidmore left the church.
Although she said she never thought of kicking her child out of the house, for a time, AJ was afraid that would happen.
“Knowing parents throw their kids away called me to write the book,” Meagan said.
Her new book, Transparent See, which traces her journey of love and acceptance, was published Oct. 24.
“I wrestled with a lot that first year,” Meagan said. “Lots of contradiction. Some of that pain was knowing that I knew my child, and this child was not in any way who these teachings made people in the queer community out to be.”
She said raising marginalized voices became a calling.
“Even before learning that I had a queer child, I remember feeling compassion for gay and lesbian people,” she said, even though the LDS church taught her being queer was a life sentence and that LGBTQ+ were expected to forego happiness if they wanted to be part of a faith community.
“My focus was on the life after this one,” she said. But after going through what she describes as a faith expansion, she began focusing more on happiness in this life.
One day, Meagan received a call from a school counselor that made her realize how deep AJ’s struggles were. She had been dealing with depression herself, so she already had a counselor.
“That day we went to see my therapist,” Meagan said. And that therapist helped AJ sort through his feelings and focus on cultivating a self-concept. Meagan said she learned there was no need to rush things.
“I was still trying to make sense of it,” she said.
Some sessions were just AJ speaking with the therapist. Sometimes the whole family went.
Meagan said AJ’s older sister was always supportive, and, like her mother, she eventually stepped away from her faith as well.
“I just can’t be affiliated with a faith that hurts someone I love,” is how Meagan remembers her daughter explaining why she no longer wanted to be affiliated with the church. She said the two siblings are still very close.
Meagan said her advice to parents of LGBTQ+ children is focus on love.
“There are a lot of conflicting voices out there,” she said. “Even if you weren’t raised in a conservative faith tradition — politically, socially — there are lots of voices speaking to this community.”
She warned that many of those voices are not part of the LGBTQ+ community and have no business speaking on behalf of the community.
“They cause fear — fear of what people will say or think,” she said. “Fear we’ll be booted out. Fear of less contact with loved ones.”
But when you focus on love, she explained, the fear begins to dissolve.
Meagan Skidmore will hold a book launch party in Dallas the week of Transgender Day of Remembrance. To attend or to order Transparent See, visit MeaganSkidmoreCoaching.com.
